She just left, with my thoughts, heart and concentration… This cannot be good… Yes, I’ve had a great time, if that’s how you like to call it… But this feeling… THIS HAS TO GO! I am very tired, very hungry, very impressed by this girl, I didn’t think of her like this from the beginning, I won’t let her turn my screwed up world upside down again…
Ready, set, go… READ!
I am now welcome in the beautiful world of P2P and copyright law infringement… It’s actually great, I’ve already populated my hard drive with music and movies, new and old… I do have to catch up on some reading, I love this book but it’s huge, I mean 800 pages to discourage any weak heart…
The girl… oh the girl… we are on for this evening… Actually, I can’t wait… I’ll tell you all about it when I get back
I’ve got this huge envelope today… I know who it’s from, that’s why my first instinct was to burn it… on the other hand this can only mean they know where I am so I should proceed with extreme care… I didn’t open it yet… but I think I’ll have to eventually…
There’s a shadow over there, and another one, just behind that column… oh my god! I’m going crazy… get a grip… It’s all too damn different, the don’t have any benches, of course they don’t have any… It’s orthodox… It’s very silent, there are a few elderly women around, they don’t seem to mind my presence though, I am trying to keep a low profile here…
Later… I’m having a walk around what I’ve been calling home lately, this apartment block near the city’s shopping center… There are a lot of people around, some of them seem drunk, I think these guys got a little carried away for Christmas… Yes… I have decided, I will make the call… It’s just a matter of minutes…
Upstairs, by the phone… where did I put it?… got it:
….ringing…..ringing…….ringing…
- “halooo….”
- Hello!
- ….. (I don’t understand, she’s not speaking english)
- I’m sorry…. We’ve met on the train… I thought I’d give you a call…
(a brief moment of silence)
- Alex?!
- Yes… It’s me
- How did you get my phone number?!
- Well… I’m sorry… I took it while you weren’t looking…
- ahm…
- Well… I just wanted to ask if you would like to grab a cup of coffee with me later… You know I am new around here…
- I don’t know…
(the discussion carried on a little bit)
- Ok… where do you want us to meet?
(we settled for my favorite coffee shop at 8 PM)
We had a great time, she’s not only very beautiful but also very smart… I really enjoyed her company, I haven’t felt this way in a while… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to meet again though, she doesn’t really know anything about me… and I am surely too afraid to explain her the true reason for me being here… But I really want to see her again, and she’s the only person I know, at least I have one now…
I am really hungry now… I can do this, I can be patient, wait for the pizza guy, thank him, tip him, and get things done, eat that pizza like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do…
I forgot to tell you… that girl… boy was she a beauty… I got her number, I actually stole her number but we did speak to each other on the train so I am not a stalker… She seemed really nice, I think I’ll call her… Of course it’s not a good idea, it’s just the kind of thing my doc told me not to get involved with, I’m here to fix things, not to complicate them… What the heck, we only got one life to live… I don’t know, I think I’ll wait ‘till tomorrow, go to church and have some quiet time, then, if everything seems ok, I’ll call her…
It’s been snowing a bit, it has melted of course, but it’s a start… The coffee here is great and my favorite coffee shop is just next to a nice cinema so I can go see a movie then have my coffee while listening to live piano music… It’s just a reminder of how beautiful my life was, I hope I won’t fuck it all up this time, too…
I’ve had quite a vacation these days, as expected… Back on the train of course, there is no internet anywhere else… Had plenty of fun… I’ve met a few foreigners too, it’s been a while since I’ve talked in person to someone who speaks my language naturally… I feel much better and in a relaxed state, as soon as I get home I’ll start working on my pet project for the next few days, then I have to figure out what I want to do for new-years eve… I wouldn’t like to spend it in my apartment, I am a social person…
Let’s see what we have here… a mother with her two daughters playing all over the place, some rich spoiled kids who talk loud and, probably, dirty since many of the other travelers seem disturbed… Well… ignorance is bliss, as they say… I can’t understand thus I can’t be disturbed by whatever they are saying… And this girl, right in front of me… she is really beautiful, there is something strange about her though… I know she can feel I’m typing about her right now, women always feel this kind of things, the way she looks at me, and I look at her… She’s like asking me to detail her beauty in these lines, it’s the native woman’s desire to be appreciated, it’s all about vanity for them…
I’ll step off this train, and everyone on board will live to see another day, unlike others, these people don’t know how lucky they are for the lives they’ve been blessed with… Only this woman… I have to meet her again…
I’ve had a great idea, it seems… I was very bored so I went to the train station, I actually like to travel a lot and I hadn’t done this for a time now… So here it goes: I got to the train station, it was so crowded even today, on Christmas day… looked up un the board for trains departing as soon as possible and found one going to the mountains… The great thing about it is they’ve got wireless on it (which, unlike they lack everywhere else in the city, with few exceptions this country is a wired one…)…
So I’m alone now, actually surrounded by strangers talking a completely strange language… surfing the net… and catching little pieces of simple conversation when they use some of the few words I managed to learn in the last three months… I should really get someone to teach me at least some basic conversation… It could come in handy… Most people know English here, unlike other (more “civilized”) parts of the world, but they feel an easily recognizable restraint when talking to strangers, they are really friendly but they seem frightened when speaking English…
This was checking my laptop earlier, I am in love with firearms and was checking the latest models from S&W, the M&P15A tactical rifle is a beauty, too bad for the laws here, they strictly prohibit owning assault firearms, I miss my country… I know she hates me now, but she’ll thank me later…
Merry Christmas to y’all, Merry Christmas doc!
Christmas carols sound nice… I don’t actually have a Christmas tree this year… I don’t miss the family stuff all that much, I do feel the need to talk to somebody. I think doc asked me to write this just to get me off his back, that wouldn’t be excluded…
It doesn’t snow, you don’t need to go outside to see that, you can see it on peoples faces… These people are so used to snowing, they’re plugged, and they find themselves in small, beautiful and unique snowflakes, which seem not to be willingly coming down to earth from up there this year… It must be hard for them, their prayers not to be answered, in such a small matter as weather pattern… What the man did by his own hand and is now afraid to undo… It’s called geoengineering, the science of changing the workings of the planet on purpose, through technology and, many times, with heavily intrusive actions… They’ll never admit they’ve used it, but the day will come, proof is always proved to be less dense than lies…
God has bigger issues now, he’s old…
I woke up this morning only to feel like my soul has leaked under the bed during the night, I think today is going to be a very short one… I think I’ll watch a couple of episodes from Prison Break, let’s see how much it will take to download them… They actually have great internet connections here, and the file-sharing networks are pretty good, I’m beginning to like it, if it weren’t for the beggars you see everywhere…
I like strange body positions, like hanging over the edge of the bet while typing… I hate this damn phone, nobody calls, and it God forbid, it does ring, it can only mean one thing… bad news… I hope it doesn’t, not today, I don’t feel in the mood for any favors…
I called my doc this morning, told him about the hugs, he knew about this type of activity from some paper somewhere… He made me think about it a little bit, it actually felt good, since I’m a complete stranger, in a completely strange country… a hug can be hard to find for me these days…
Ring-Ring… No, it can’t be! Not while I’m typing… Gotta go…
The subway trains here have graffiti all over them, it’s all so urban, so degradingly instinctive, there is so much life in them but, at the same time, they reflect an alarmingly low level of civilization they have to put up with… I ask myself now, is that what I am running from? Pure white subway trains and nice bank clerks?! Is it civilization what I’m afraid of, what I learnt to hate and despise…
I emerged from the subway… only to be welcome by a group of people sharing “free hugs” with anyone wanting one, most people just pass by, ignoring them… I find it somehow amusing, it makes me wonder what is behind this, what went wrong and sent these people on the street and if they are generous in offering hugs or all they really want are some hugs for themselves…
I found a couple of nice things today, for my old friends, I only have to find a way to deliver them now, since chimneys are not so popular anymore…
I took a long walk this evening… I like it here when it’s dark, there are no shiny lights all over the place like other cities, it’s a little quiet somehow, but the general atmosphere is not like the cold western way of life, there is some warmth… It makes me feel good when I have hot chocolate in my favorite coffee shop, next to a great movie theater… they play live piano music here, and it’s not very expensive either…
I hate the banking system, I don’t know why, they seem to have something against foreigners, and I don’t like having to do anything with bank clerks either…
The minute I walked out on my life… I knew it would change dramatically… Not having who to buy a gift for Christmas makes my feel awfully weird… I think I’ll send a small present to one of my far away friends… maybe a special gift… I wonder who I can help without him knowing about…
